~Thought For the Day~ Look! Do You See it?~ ©

     Yesterday I milled around somewhat glum, with no reason really but because of everything. Just one of those days; thinking over mistakes, pitfalls, debts, age and anything else that could enter my head and bring about a somewhat overcast mood.

I heard something downstairs so I ventured that way and I am so very thankful that I did.

I had seen an elderly lady moving in the prior weekend, but she had not spent any time here yet, so yesterday was her move in day.

She greeted me with a smile as I passed in front of her open door. She welcomed me in and I gladly stepped inside to say hello.

Her niece was there helping her get what few belongings she owned unpacked, and after about a minute I started lending a hand. I didn't even think about it, I just started doing this and that.

Being the tallest in the room I found my clumsy self balancing on a very small, meager bed trying to put in light bulbs without breaking my neck. Laughing with people I didn't know, but already felt a twinge of closeness to.

I heard a familiar voice and it was my youngest son, I should have known if I was doing something to help someone, he would be right there with me.

We both did small tasks, nothing huge, just things she couldn’t do.

We made small talk and as I was setting up her small television, I began getting to know her. Sitting on a stranger’s floor looking up at her sitting on her couch I saw something about her that I can’t really explain. She looked at me with hope; I guess that is what it was. She was glad someone was sitting there and was talking away, and as I was listening, I was also thinking. She reminded me of a few other people I have known in my life.

She asked my name and I told her, and I just kept studying her face. She then began to tell me she was on dialysis and was recently put on the transplant list. My heart fell into my stomach and I suddenly wanted to just grab her and hold her, but I couldn't so I sat there with tears in my eyes as she talked with such an upbeat and positive attitude.  She was showing me her curtains someone had given her, and I ran up to my place for some thumb tacks because she didn't have anything to hang things up with.

We kept talking and when everything was pretty much done, because as I said before she doesn’t have much at all, but she appeared so gracious and proud of the few things she had, and our conversation continued. Her niece making sure she was ok before she left her here in her new home. Now she was here all alone, in a two bedroom apartment that would seem small to most, but to this woman the area seemed to consume her, the rooms appearing much bigger as she leaned back obviously tired from her day.

She was telling me she had dialysis the next day and how it made her feel, someone would be dropping her off and she would alone. She didn't say that but I put it together. I can’t imagine going through a treatment and then coming back to a care for myself on my own, weak and unsure of what tomorrow would bring.

Her niece poking her head in for one last goodbye before she departed, I heard her call this woman’s name it and it tripped a switch in me. “Dove”. Her name is Dove. How beautiful.

I asked what time she would be returning from her treatment and she let me know, I casually said I would be around and that if she needed help getting in and settled I would be right here. I had in my mind already determined I would be watching for someone to drop her off so I could help her in some way, if any, but I will be present.

I tried to nonchalantly ask her what she needed, knowing I can’t afford presently to do much but I might have some things I could give her. I looked around and I could tell that anything I offer her she will be overjoyed to receive so as soon as I am finished writing this I will go to look through my closets and belongings to see if there is anything she can use. It is times like this that I wish I had more wealth, not for me, but for people like this gorgeous soul, so she would know someone cares, that hope isn’t far away and that people do care.

As I was leaving I had an afterthought and knocked again, I let her know that lots of nights I sit on the stairs to just think and take in the night, I didn't want her to be alarmed and I let her know it is my way of doing what I used to do back home, sitting out in the country just marveling in what is around me, and I felt homesick for that old hill, for my swing and that time alone I spent sitting and reflecting. I suddenly felt guilty for even having a thought of regret and missing home, I am grateful for where I am, I have a roof over my head and a staircase under the stars. She smiled and said something that just brought down the house for me, “Honey, don’t sit out there all alone in the cold, you can come in here and talk to me.” 

Her offering just brought me to tears, this sweet, sick woman, with no material wealth, her health dangling from a ledge, and she offers to take me in when I am sitting out there in my flip flops and socks and give me companionship.

Needless to say when I headed back upstairs I wasn't full of gloom and worry about what was bothering me. I am so very appreciative of everything I have, not just because I have a kitchen table and chairs, unlike Dove, but because I have people, I have love, I have smiles, I have my health and I have way more than I had when I first went down those the steps yesterday.

There are so many people in this world that would gladly trade lives with us. We complain about this and that, we make a fuss over what we don't have, gadgets, technology, the latest clothes, a new car, grown up play toys and yet there are people in this world who are just grateful that I found my thumb tacks to help them hang a set of worn curtains.

Take a few minutes today to be thankful for all that you do have. Stop going over what you haven't got, if you have a child, you are wealthy, if you have a place to call home, you are wealthy, if you have the love of friends, if you have food to eat( even a modest amount), if you have transportation, and most of all if you have someone there for you in sickness, wellness and all those times in between, quit feeling sorry for yourself. I know someone who would gladly take your leftovers and feel like they had been crowned a queen.

Today I challenge you to take account of what you have. That is all, take that any way you want it, just remember if you are feeling down, scared, unsure or ill tempered, hope can drift in on the wings of a “dove” very softly, calling no attention to itself, you have to look and see it. It doesn’t always smack you in the head, it takes effort and to take a break from feeling sorry for yourself to see it. Look up, look around, see it? Hope and an overwhelming feeling of having everything are right there.

Here are my thoughts.

©

Teresa 

~The Tree Foundation~ ©

     I am going to speak to you today about the vision of the charity I have been planning for quite some time, where it all started and what has prompted me to go ahead with it now.

My Mother gave to others, all of the time. Most of the time she had very little but instead of complaining or letting it defeat her, she kept giving, sometimes literally all she had. She hated to see someone do without or to see someone with a wounded spirit. She touched many lives in her time on Earth.

We sat for many accumulated hours discussing the need we felt called to address and since Mom’s passing I see it now more than ever.

I will give you a story to illustrate and maybe from there you can see what I am shooting for and making my dream of helping others into a reality.

On July 20, 2011, my Mama had a doctor’s appointment. She was frail, sick and even though I didn’t want to come to terms with it, she was dying.

I was prepared that morning to get her ready as usual and help her get cleaned up and ready to see her physician.

I went into her room, and I stood there watching before she knew I was there. I saw a light in her eyes, a sparkle, and I waited to see what she was doing. She turned and met my face with a smile as always. Trying to stay as upbeat and positive as I could I said “You ready for Nurse T here to get you ready?” She quickly told me, “No, I am going to get ready by myself this time.”

How could I tell her no? I knew she had very little self pride left because I was her constant nurse and she had poked and probed so much, I had to hope to she was able to carry out a once simple task.

I glanced back into her room just to make sure she was steady enough to go through with what she had willed herself to do. To my surprise she was trying so hard to do her nails, and then her toes. She wanted to feel pretty, even amidst all of her sickness she ached to feel like a woman, one that had always taken care of herself the best she could.

I heard her door open, and I couldn’t help but trembling and crying, she looked so beautiful. She had managed to find her favorite top and skirt combo and not only had she painted her nails she was wearing makeup. She was so radiant, I didn’t see her illness, I saw her beauty, and she felt it as well. She walked slowly towards me as she once had, with dignity and pride.

I noticed she had found a broach and had fastened it properly on her dressy top.

She smiled so pretty.

She went to the doctor and as I assisted her in sitting down at the dining table in her house, her blue eyes welled with tears. “Tesi, baby it isn’t good.” She need not say anymore, my guts felt like falling out, she knew, I refused to believe but she was sure her time was now limited. I refused to come to terms with it.

I just stared at her and how very beautiful my Mother was, an image I will never forget.

To some this may not strike you as odd, but you see Mama had spent every penny she had on medications, doctors and meager amounts of food. She was coming to the end of her life and she didn’t have anything. She did however have me, my children and a love that words can never touch in description.

She had never been able to afford luxury items, some we take for granted, the nail polish she used was some I had gotten her for Christmas and she was delighted, also I gave her a plush, fluffy robe that she wore until she passed. 

She didn’t have many nice things, but she much more than material wealth.

Our idea for a charity was to give to people that couldn't afford the small luxury items, nail polish, perfume, fluffy robes, comfy socks, snuggly throws, deodorant, and cologne for men, things that are wonderful to have but things that so many people can’t have. The people who struggle to live, who give every penny to bills, a roof over their head and feeding themselves.

She and I had devised the plan of putting together boxes filled with items such as those mentioned above and distributing them to people, to make them smile but most importantly to make them feel good about themselves.

I put the idea aside after Mama died. Oh how I hate typing that but I must.

This week I fought myself about speaking of something very personal that happened immediately after she passed. I decided for the good of others I will share, I don’t think that Mom would care, she had so much pride, but now I think she would want me to do whatever I could to get my point across in order to help others.

As we were making the arrangements with the funeral home, I was presented with a problem, and it makes me feel so sad as I type this, and I wish I could have done more, I had picked out her outfit, the ones she wore that final time to the doctor for her to be buried in, and then I realized my poor Mama didn’t have decent undergarments to be buried in. Just re-reading that sentence makes my soul ache and the tears begin to flow. We had both spent every penny we had combined to pay for her medication, me at the time being a single parent and not having a lot myself, I did as much as I could, and to me it just wasn't enough, she deserved more.

 I stood in her bedroom, looking through her drawers for something suitable for her burial, and I couldn't.  I hate to even type the rest, but I am going to. I counted change to purchase new undergarments for Mama. I couldn't bear the thought of her being laid to rest in something worn out. It broke my soul.

Now I look back, and I never want another soul to have to live like that. To not have simple, little things to make them feel good about themselves; I want those less fortunate people to have simple joys, the happiness of a pretty scent, nail polish, undergarments, fluffy things that bring comfort, from a sweater or robe. Things they can’t seem to get for themselves.

I am starting the “The Tree Foundation”, and my main goal is to bring little things to people who have seen a hard time, fallen between the cracks, known poverty and give them a feeling of being somebody, and looking in the mirror and admiring how much better they feel when presented with items that enhance them, help them and most of all let them know that someone cares about little things.

I am naming it The Tree Foundation because Mama, and Mama alone called me Tree. She said I gave her shade, and a breeze of hope, and all the while remembering my roots.

We go through life so often and gripe and complain, and when I see people fussing and getting out of sorts over trivial things it bothers me, your life could be so much worse, wealth isn't measured by dollar amount, it is tallied by who you are, what you are made of and what you can to change the world, or at least the world of one person. It is my mission to touch, heal and give hope and I am going to be working very diligently to get this charity started so many people can feel beautiful and find a feeling that someone out there cares and loves them.

Be rich my friends, be rich in friendship, love and peace. Those that know those gifts are the richest among us. When you feel compelled to gripe and grumble, remember, someone out there is struggling just to live.

Here are my thoughts.

 ©

Teresa