This is a topic that
I am pretty sure I have never addressed, but it is one that I feel very
passionate about.
I have seen it so many times, and not only does it break my
heart, but also it causes a high level of anger to rise within me, and I feel it
best I control with words.
I will start off by giving an example, and then carry on
with my thoughts and input.
When I was two years old, Mama walked into the room while
she was trying to get ready for work in a hurry, and she nearly fell in the
floor at what she saw.
There, in front of my Mimi’s mirror, was her bright blonde
haired girl covered in red. Her first thought was that the crimson stain was
that of blood. When she saw that I wasn’t injured, she laughed and asked me
what in the world I was doing.
I politely told her I was getting ready for work, and putting
on my makeup too.
I had taken her red lipstick and applied it very liberally
throughout my hair, added some eye shadow, blush, and tons of powder. She
couldn’t help but stop everything she was doing to take a picture and love on
me.
Thinking back to her retelling that story countless times,
it seemed fitting for my words today.
Mama had not yet taught me to apply makeup, but I had been
watching her and I mimicked her.
Whether we notice or not, our children are watching us,
taking in every little thing we do and in turn they copy our behavior at times.
It might not be immediate or deliberate but they see, and they in turn practice
what they have seen.
Mama used to say that children are like sponges, they absorb
all they see, hear and are subjected to.
I couldn’t agree more.
With that story being told, let me start this by saying:
children are a true gift, a blessing, and there is no greater reward in life
than being granted the honor of being a parent.
I never understood it until I held my first child. I was 21
years old, and I looked down at a little bundle of blue eyes, soft skin and
most importantly, all his trust was in me. He was dependent on me, and trusting
that I would take care of him until he was able to, himself. My baby is 20
years old now, and I catch myself sometimes still trying to over mother him,
but I think he is ok with it at times. Being a parent is a privilege; a
privilege that so many can’t have, for medical reasons, and a host of other causes,
and would rejoice at the opportunity to have a child. So if we are given
children, we are to take it as our life’s work to do everything within our
power to teach, encourage, and make this life we created grow into a good,
upstanding person.
I am seriously troubled and outraged by some of the actions
I see of other parents. I am by no means perfect, I have made many mistakes,
but the well being of my children has always come first.
I look around and I see pitiful children who have parents
who do drugs, abuse alcohol, and subject their children to a lifestyle that no
child should ever have to be placed in.
Before you lash out, I know society is partly to blame, but
as a parent I feel that the values and morals we instill in our kids start at
home.
If your child watches you get high, acting like an idiot, as
a savage, sleeping with anyone who will bed you and then you blame others and
profess your undying love for your children, then I think you need to step back
and look at yourself.
You don’t love yourself, so how could you love your children
on the level they deserve?
I sadly know of parents who do drugs with their children,
and their reasoning boggles my mind. They think that if they partake in drugs
with their children, it will keep them on the straight and narrow.
How about setting good examples, how about being a parent
and not a friend? My children are my friends, but I will always be their Mother
first.
I am sickened by the sight of women and men who cast off
their kids to run wild, leaving them in the care of God knows who for a
temporary good feeling.
Why did you have those children? Take a long, hard look at
yourself.
Being a parent is a huge responsibility, it truly is, but
you hold that life in your hands to shape and mold. Trust me, they will watch
you, take you in, and yes, possibly become you.
Would you wish that upon them? Would you judge them if they
became pregnant at an early age because they slept with multiple partners, when
you yourself do the same? Would you shame them for disrespecting others, using
vulgar language, and undermining authority when you yourself are just like
that?
I know so many cases of this, and I can’t handle it, it
makes me want to scream.
What will these children become? Hopefully, they will rise
above what they have seen, heard and learned and be better, but we know in
truth that is a rarity: They will become what they know.
Also, I tire of parents throwing blame on the other parent. You
both made that child, so despite your resent or negative feelings towards each
other, the well being of your children should be the main factor in your
actions and you should exhibit civil behavior in front of them.
I am not saying you kiss and make up, or forgive wrongs, but
in front of your kids, “play nice”. Don’t trash-talk the other parent. If
someone is of bad character, they will reveal themselves without your ugly
words. I have met children who feel guilty for loving one of their parents,
because they have had so much ugliness shoved in their face and been drilled to
hate one of their parents. That isn’t fair, if one parent is not good; it will “come
out in the wash”, as my grandma used to say. Children by nature are loving,
giving, and good hearted and we as parents set that example and encourage it to
grow with them.
I am very thankful, and I can’t stress this enough, that I
can talk to my ex-husband in a good way. We communicate well, and can talk
about anything. We may no longer be together, but we brought two children into
this world and we are determined to show them how to be good people.
I see couples who are childless, who ache to have a little
one of their own, and it pains me, because they know the value of the life they
lack in their own and would do anything to be given a chance to hear someone
call them Mommy and Daddy.
I can’t impress upon this enough, we are what our kids
become, and we are bound to our children to be good to them, to show them, to
teach them, not to throw them aside for fun or view them as a financial benefit
in the eyes of assistance or child support.
Be a parent, be an example. Remember those little eyes are
watching you.
I was asked by someone I know why on earth their son would
be addicted to some really heavy drugs, they were quick to throw the blame on
others, society etc. I listened, and I knew before I spoke I would anger this
person when I gave them an answer. I told them that he got it from them. He
watched them, a drug addict. It was all he ever knew, this child begged for
attention at an early age for a parent, and now this child is an adult and also
an addict with a very bleak future.
Drugs aren’t the only problem. I see mothers more worried
about themselves, and who they will party with, romp with, and never give a
thought to the children watching them. It makes me irate.
I know I won’t win points with many people on my thoughts
today, but if I can reach one person today, one parent who is neglecting their
children and make them stop and think, make them want to make a change, then it
is all worth it.
Children are miracles, they are the future, why not give the
essentials to be an amazing person, because it starts with us, the parents.
Play with them, laugh with them, watch your mouth in front of them, be a good
example, and watch your child, they will truly amaze you.
When you feel their arms around you at an older age and hear
them say, “I love you Mama, you are the best in the world”, you will know you
did your dead level best to be a parent, flaws and all.
There are no reasons to not be a good Mom or Dad. Time
spent, kind words said to others, good deeds done, and putting them first will
result in having kids who change this world.
Now to those parents who I have managed to tick off, be mad
at me, but when your anger subsides, do this for me: Look at yourself, and better
the person you are. Nobody can do it for you. Not only will you find a better
life, you will see your kids in a whole new light and ready for a parent to
show them how to be a good soul.
If you feel I am talking out of my behind, try me. I can
show you so many cases of bad parenting and prove you wrong.
Look at the parents who have children who come first. They
have a special light in their eyes, and they know that no matter what, even if
they are serving Ramen noodles for dinner because they worked their tail off to
keep a roof over their heads, and can’t buy them everything, they have a
special bond with their child, because they see effort, they see love, and they
feel it all around them. That is priceless.
I give a HUGE praise to those parents out there who work so
hard at shaping their children, holding their hand as they step into life and
by example are showing them how to be. I commend you.
Here are my thoughts.
Teresa ;)
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