I am unsure where
I am going with this Thought For The Day, I have so many things rumbling around
in my mind and all of them are begging to be put in written form, so with that
said I will close my eyes briefly, inhale and let my heart guide me on what to
write about.
Ahhh my eyes are open and I think I see some direction now.
All my life I have heard people use this one certain phrase,
“That’s just how I am”.
I am sorry; I see that as settling or as a cop out. I know we
get into our own routines for certain things but if those rituals are unhealthy
you can’t wrap a blanket around it and hide inside.
None of us want to openly admit a flaw, or have it pointed
out, it hurts, the truth of It stings like a nasty hornet when it gets a hold of
you and injects its nasty toxins.
When you don’t want to change a behavior or face it, it is
so much easier to say “That’s how I am” and then walk away and continue on
because you just gave an excuse, not a solution.
Change is very hard, change is uncharted territory, and when
we are faced with a new way, or a change of handling things, it is very scary
and unfamiliar, but isn’t it worth trying?
One of my dearest friends has fought a drug addiction for
most of his adult life. It has brought to him much shame, the loss of beloved
people and a sense of loneliness that has made him feel like a caged animal
with no hope of escape.
We have talked so many times about how to fix it, his
regrets and his sorrow, and how down on himself it made him feel. I always
listened and never felt like I was much help. As his problem kept tearing away
at his life and robbing him of life we began thinking of new ways to look at it
and how we could make a change that would help him.
The thoughts of him feeling that lost and scared used to
haunt me, I lost so much sleep wondering if he was ok and wishing there was
just something I could do.
One day as we sat outside, not saying much, he turned and
looked at me and said “TC, when life gets out of hand I do drugs, It’s just how
I am.”
I was mad, I was hurt and I wanted so badly to shake him,
but instead I remember reaching down and grabbing his hand and begging him to
let me in, let me into his darkness and somehow, some way help him see the
light and a way out.
We decided that day that when he felt he was spiraling out
of control and unable to resist his urge to turn to the learned behavior of
using drugs to cope, that we would try my way just once, and see what happened.
He promised me that the next time he felt those urges hit,
that he would simply call me. I had no clue where we would go from there but I
did get him to agree to a change.
Sure as the world, 3 am and my phone rang on a Friday night.
It was him, he was in tears and all he could say was “Help me TC.” I quickly
shook myself awake in the dark and sat up in bed, clutching the phone like I
was holding his life in my hands. We ended up talking for two hours. We didn't
speak about his addiction, we talked about life, fishing, and how badly I used
to cook rice. He finally said, I think I can sleep now, and both of us fell
asleep with a new sense of peace.
Many more nights my phone rang, sometimes he had already
taken the plunge and used, but he still called, he was changing slowly, he was
letting someone into his personal hell and reaching out for help.
It took a while for him to realize that he could break the
chain of handling it all alone and that there are people in this world who love
you enough to help you, even when you are not your best.
Now I am proud to say, he is recovering
and doing well. He still calls, and we still talk about the same goofy stuff,
but I think the underlying fact is that he is calling to reassure himself that I
am still there, my hand extended and willing to help him face his changes and
willing to do whatever it takes to see him through.
In order to change, you must want
to, you have to want it more than anything in the world, it could possibly take
losing everything you have, every possession, every hope and every dream, but
if you know there is one person there who will challenge your “That’s just how
I am” attitude then it is worth stepping out of what you know and sticking your
hand out and seeing what else might be there instead of what you already know
and it’s self-destructive outcome.
I am not saying we all have a drug
addiction, but we all have something we are fearful of breaking away from and
trying a new way of handling it. If you have one person who believes in you,
well my friends you have an advantage already.
Change isn’t bad, bad is when you
continue and refuse to see that change can sometimes bring about the most
treasured and beautiful things that you would have missed if you had not been
willing to try.
My Luke, when he was small loved
his bubble baths, but if you dare mention a shower, he would cry. He didn’t
like the idea of trying it and for a while I let it slide. Finally one day, I
sat him down and said “Just try it one time for me.” I had to agree to stand at
the bathroom door with my hand firmly grasping the doorknob to the bathroom. I
stood there, unable to see my little boy, tears flowing because I knew he was
terrified, I never questioned why, it didn't matter, but he made a huge step
and decided to try.
I listened to every sound, and
after about five minutes the water was off and I heard him calling me, “Mommy,
are you still there?” “Yes, Luke, I am
right here baby.”
It took a few times of me standing
holding the door, just in case he needed me, but he knew I was right there,
waiting, just in case. I knew he could do it.
Now he is 13 and I think he
showers more than anyone I have ever met, he is either getting ready to take
one or just getting out it seems likes.
What if he had not challenged
himself? What if he had let his fear control him, what if he only took bubble
baths because well “That’s just how he is”. He would have missed out on
something he loves, and he knows know too, that no matter what, I am always
nearby, his challenges will get bigger as he ages but he is assured that he won’t
be alone.
It takes just one time to try a
new way, why not start today? You could be missing out on such a beautiful
outcome and embarking on wonderful things you have never tried.
Break the
chain, break the chains of the past that bind you.
I leave you with these quotes.
~Not everything that is faced can
be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.~James Baldwin
~We cannot become what we need to
be, remaining what we are.~Max De Pree
Here are my thoughts.
©
Teresa
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