~Thought for the Day~ To Forgive ©

     I wasn't planning on writing this morning but something keeps nagging at my gut and I had to purge if you will and let it out.

I have some things on my mind, topics of various nature, some good, some not so pleasant.

One in particular keeps weighing on my shoulders and pulling at my heart.

I don't know if I have ever addressed this topic or not but it is a major virtue in my life.

Forgiveness, absorb that word. Seriously ponder it for a moment, what comes to mind?

Forgiveness.

In the grand scheme of life ours is but a short time here on Earth.

If we glance backwards we notice that the years roll by swiftly, we can’t stop time, and we can't prevent the days from flying into the wind as the calendar blows rapidly in the time of our lives.

Now think back to being a child, it seems so long ago sometimes, and then again if we concentrate it seems that only yesterday we were children, with little care.

I am sitting here imagining my childhood, my friends, my family, the love, the laughs, the heart break, the ups, downs and turnarounds that have taken place in my existence.

I remember back to a time when I held a grudge, in my early adulthood, I was very angry with a dear friend. I let that anger consume me, I wrote that person off and swore I never would speak to them again because of the wrongs I felt they had brought to me.

I was going to hold on to that hurt and never let it happen again, and then I forgave them.

I am not sure how or why I did, but I knew something was missing in my life and it was that person.

They had faults, yes, but so do I.

They had done me wrong, or so I thought in my own mind and in doing that I came very close to becoming bitter and hard.

I am so happy that way back then I forgave that person because ahead in my life I saw the big picture.

I think back to the times when that person was one of the only people I had on many a dark day. If they had not been there, I could have easily slipped into my own shadow and never returned, but thankfully, oh so thankfully, I had opened my heart to them again and I was able to see, hear and feel the true love of a friend when I didn't think I had anything in this world.

When my kids were small and they would get in trouble, they were told what they had done; they were given a strong talking to and sent on their way to ponder what they had done. Many times sitting in their rooms to “think” about what they had done.

I recall many times after whatever incident  had occurred, they would come to me, shoulders drooping, head down, and in a meek and humble voice they would say, “Mama, are you mad at me?” And sometimes I even heard, ‘Mom, do you hate me?”

I would hug them up and tell them no, I could never hate them, I wasn't happy with them but hate wasn't even possible. Sometimes we would shed tears together and our hearts would mend.

We put it behind us and moved on.

I didn’t write off my children when they did wrong or something I thought wasn't correct.

I am a huge Andy Griffith Show fan, and I think back to an episode that impacted me greatly. Opie was a little boy, his Dad had asked him to donate part of his meager allowance to a charity for underprivileged children and Opie only gave a very small amount.

His father punished him, he was irate, he was steaming mad at the thought of his own son being so greedy. He didn't talk to his son about actions, he ASSUMED and in his assumption he thought he had all the answers.

In the end, Opie had been saving his money to buy a coat for a little girl who knew who was braving the cold in a tattered old rag, and he wanted to help, he saw a need and took it upon himself to help. Even when his father punished him he didn't speak up and tell his “Pa” his reasoning. Only after his dad smacked down his reprimand and started to talk to his boy did he come to see the real truth.

Needless to say Andy Taylor felt like a big ol' jack ass for not looking into the matter further and also for not trusting that this boy had good morals and values and trusting his choice.

So many times we assume we know what the whole picture is, and in reality we can only see a corner piece of the puzzle, we can't grasp the entire view if we don’t look closer or attempt to try and angle for a better view.

I have learned in my life that we are given such a short stay here, and if we carry around hard feelings and negativity, well, in the end that is all we really have. We have a bitter attitude and arrogance of better than thou and to me, that isn't all that pretty to think about.

I have mentioned it many times, but I have survived a horrific take down when I lost my Mother. It was a huge blow to my gut, but every day, I get back up, I face it, I deal with it and along the way I have lost some important people, I suppose because I had to practice some self perseveration for the first time in my life. I had to put myself first to survive what I saw, what I felt and try to emerge a better woman.

I wasn't forgiven. I am ok with that, people have their reasons and their lives aren’t mine to live. I wish them nothing but joy and happiness. I do however wish that when people choose to remove you that they take a lesson from Andy Taylor, investigate, and get informed, because we never know what is happening beyond what we can see. 

We need not hand down an exile before we give thought to the other human being involved.

To live with negative feelings towards others is to hurt yourself, not the other person.

Forgiveness.

It takes courage to forgive; it takes strength to admit that you too are just the same, a flawed person.

Let love in, free yourself from the darkness that is clouding your world when you hold on to resentment and hatred.

I am not saying you welcome someone back into your life that hurt you, but before you completely throw them away, give thought to your own flaws, and see if you ever stumbled along the way.

Forgiveness.

It is a choice, a choice to free your heart, mind and soul.

To forgive is to truly live bravely.

As I am writing a quote from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. comes to mind and I ask that in closing you take it in, ponder it and see if it speaks to you.

‘We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this we are less prone to hate our enemies.” Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Here are my thoughts.

©

Teresa 

~Thought for the Day~ Behind Blue Eyes ©

     I felt compelled to write this after the sad passing of Robin Williams. I was almost hesitant, and then I decided, no, don’t hold back, put it out there, because it might touch one heart, one soul, and make them feel differently. If we stand silent we can never make a change.

I have been sitting back reading many articles, Facebook posts, comments, and various other media about Robin’s passing. I have taken it all in and it makes my heart hurt and it makes me cry.

Depression is no joke. Mental illness is no joke.

I know a good number of people who feel that if you suffer from any type of mental illness that you are “faking” or you are looking for sympathy. That couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Mental illness is one of the loneliest places you can reside. You are trapped within your own thoughts and can’t surface at times.

I have never publicly spoken out on this topic, and I have recently written a chapter in my new book about it, but I feel it is time to remove the dark cloth covering myself and come out and speak up.

I am not doing it for attention, I am not doing it for people to love me, I am doing it in hopes that we won’t lose another beautiful soul like Robin Williams, and I can make someone feel they aren’t alone.

I have watched the debilitating aftermath of depression, my Mother suffered for as long as I can remember.

I remember her crying, sobbing at times, and when I would talk to her; she couldn’t tell me what was wrong. I didn’t understand as a child, I thought it was life, or money; something had to make her cry. It was depression. She told me many times that she could be in a room full of people with millions of dollars in the bank and she would still feel alone and down.

Money, cars, people, material possessions don’t cure depression.

Here is where I am stepping out, and I must tell you, my hands are shaking, my face feels flushed but I am going to write this anyway.

I, Teresa, have bouts of mental illness. There, I said it.

You see, I identify with Robin Williams so very much, as so do many others. I have always been the class clown, the funny girl, that goof who always let everyone laugh at them in order to bring smiles to others. I know that lonely feeling; I know it all too well. When the laughter is quiet, and the crowd goes home, you are left standing all alone, and with nobody really to reach for. You feel like the floor will fall out from beneath you and you wonder if anyone will even notice.

I suffer from severe anxiety issues and PTSD. If you aren’t familiar with PTSD, it is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. My entire adult life has been given a life sentence of agony as I wrestle this sick beast.

I have seen many things in my life, and been through some pure hell, and because of it, I am here, with issues, and all the while I never wanted anyone to know.

I wanted to make people laugh, smile and think I was the village idiot because it is easier that way and because of the stigma attached with any form of mental illness.

I am still human, I am still funny, I am still ridiculous at times, but my insides are broken and it has taken many years for me to figure out how to put my pieces together and resume living a seemingly normal life.

I have panic attacks, I have some intense nightmares from a violent rape from many years ago, but, still, I am me. Many of you may look at me differently from here on out, and I am used to that. I have lost many people along this road and had many bail on me, and I understand it. Some people just can’t grasp the concept and think it isn't real.

I promise you that it is very real. Just because you can’t see a wound doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Those of us who suffer wear our battle scars and bruises on the inside, and we don’t put them out there for people to see.

I am writing this to raise awareness and if it means me coming under fire, then so be it.

We lost an amazing person yesterday because he couldn't carry the weight any longer, he tried, and he tried, and he couldn't do it anymore.

I think what angers me most is that people think it is something we can just get over. OK, great, you have a broken leg or a long standing illness. Just get over it, right? It isn't real? You can't just simply get over it.

It hurts my heart to know people feel so alone and isolated that they feel they must exit this world because they have lost so much in life.

A few months ago I lost a very dear friend, Janay to this horrible sadness and I feel so hurt and sad for her, her family and all of us who knew her, because we couldn't stop her, we didn't reach her, and she felt she had no other way out.

I miss her so much, and I wish I could go back in time to our last conversations, and remind her of the joy and love she brought to so many. I don't know if it would have changed her in any way, but she would have known how I felt.

This is a wake up call, people. I preach this sermon almost every day. We don't know a person’s inner struggle, we haven’t walked in their shoes, and we must NOT look down upon another because they aren’t like us, but instead, without hesitation and reservation, reach down and stay down with them until you can lift them up and help them rise to the light once again.

Robin Williams was a brilliant man, he touched us all so much, his laughter, his impromptu lines, his wit, his courage, his amazing ability, and in the end of his life, this beloved person felt so alone and so isolated that he felt there was no other way to end his suffering.

Stop judging people, stop being mean, stop pretending you know it all. Take a stand, take a stand for life, for those who are surrounded by darkness and just need a hand to hold.

Life is hard, and sometimes we are dealt a tough hand to play, but if we put all this bull crap aside and learn to love, I mean really love our fellow human beings; we will see a rise, a rise of hope, a rise of living among us all.

So there you have my thoughts, my personal information, and I am willing to put it out there if it makes at least one person feel not so alone and that someone does understand the struggle.

Be kind, love each other, stop fighting, stop hating, embrace one another and let love in.

Rest in peace Robin Williams, you will live in our hearts always and your memory will not be in vain.Fly free at last. 

Here are my thoughts.

© 

Teresa 

~Thought for the Day~Breaking News:Sherlock Hardister Discovers The Meaning of Love ©

      Over the weekend, I had many thoughts and remembrances. Today, as I was processing that information, I had a very life altering moment. I finally found an answer to something I have been seeking for many years; from my childhood, to my years as a teen, and now, in my adulthood, and I feel I must share it with you, my readers. I feel a boulder has been removed from my back, and my mind at last feels a sense of peace as I unveil a most mysterious question. Some of you may agree with what I have come up with, and other may just have another answer. Either way, this is my interpretation. I have been looking for this secret to be revealed, and much to my happiness, I, at long last have my answer.

What is love?

I have wondered, written it down on countless pieces of paper, and never felt satisfied with what I came up with. I have said it out loud, I have asked others, and in a quiet moment on Sunday morning, I began to see the path in my mind I must take to answer this lingering question that has nagged at me for such a time.

As I was standing in my dining room on Sunday morning I began to just look into the other room, and as the light filtered through the curtains and kissed my cheeks, it was the most profound revelation that glistened within me, that I haven’t encountered in such a long time.

I felt my face burn with tears as they trickled down my slightly sun touched face and a memory began to surface.

For as far back as I can recall, there was an old beat up blue, matchbox car sitting on the kitchen windowsill. It looked like it had seen better days, but this little toys served an amazing purpose.

I could hear Mama in the kitchen, I could smell breakfast, and I knew in just a few seconds what was about to happen. I would hear her “rev” up that tiny car, making “VROOM VROOM” sounds and getting closer to my bedroom. I sometimes pretended to be asleep but more often I just waited in bed smiling.

She would make a tire squalling noise at the entrance of my door and round the corner. Always in an upbeat tone, and with a smile on her face and that old blue clunker in hand, she would say, “Hop in; breakfast is ready, get in!”

I would grab the tail of her shirt and play right along. We rolled into the kitchen; of course all the way through the house she would make motor noises and slam on the imaginary brakes.

She would stop with a sudden halt at the kitchen table, and then carefully park that old blue toy back in the window, so it would be gassed and ready for the next morning.

She did this for my entire childhood, and yes, she even did it right up until I left home as an adult. It was just something she did, and I loved her for it. I had forgotten it, and on Sunday that memory came flooding back.

I began thinking of what it meant and I came up with some very good answers and other instances that were related.

This is love.

Simply, just love.

It didn’t cost her a dime, and I am sure some mornings she didn’t feel like doing it, but she did. Why?

Because she loved me, she wanted me to know it, and instead of just saying it, she showed me in her own way. This is one of many things she did in my life, but its simplistic joy is what led me to my answer.

I thought back today of acts of pure love, and I came up with so many.

Love is singing in the kitchen while each little boy takes turns standing on your feet as you sing “Once upon a Dream”, swirling and twirling like we were in an enchanted ballroom. Those boys grew up, but I still sing it to them.

Love is the ‘Good Morning Dance” that makes my almost grown children more than likely shudder at the sight of me, but it is their send off every single school morning. I’ve got new dance moves every fall, and it is just something I do to show them I love them.

It is doing the Soul Train line dance with Luke, and looking really ridiculous, but not caring because of the joy on his face and the honest sound of his laughter as I boogie down.

This doesn’t just apply to mothers and children.

Love is a hand written letter.

Love is hug from behind.

Love is a hand picked bouquet of flowers that could easily pass as weeds.

Love is simply.

Love is action.

Love is showing, love is taking the time to prove it.

Love is a dance, no matter where you are.

Love is committing yourself to trying and following through with pure honest actions that cost nothing, but take effort and time.

Love is making a fool out of yourself for the sake of loving another human being, love is simple.

Love is work, but not back breaking work, love is just trying. Love is so pure and selfless.

It can happen with parents, children, spouses, significant others, friends, family. It knows no limits.

Love is simple, I find that people make it hard because they don’t put forth an effort or equate love with a dollar amount, and in my life, that means nothing. Give me a letter, a song, a dance, a hug, a genuine simple gesture and love will be found there and it the memories that is creates will reside in your being for all of your days.

I found out what love is, and I totally get it now. I now can finally move on to other questions that have been hanging around in my mind left unanswered, because I now get what love truly means.

Love is a little, beat up blue matchbox car.

Here are my thoughts.

 ©

Teresa ;)